Dear Titania Natasha Part 2

I know you feel that you are have all the right to be this way. I know you are angry with her...somehow you even think not to ever forgive her. I know this is not the time to tell you how much she loves you But,let me tell you about your mom For nine month she carry you where ever she go. Hair falling from her head like crazy and doctor said it was hormone Her cheek filled with dimples and zit (you got hysteria while you got only one or two) Her feet swollen like elephant foot. Her back give up on her at the 5th month and i have to rub her back every night She never even speak or complain about you. She look ugly and fat, more than you have could imagine (but i still love her) Why i tell you this ? Because i was there..beside her,when you are not even born She have to fight 10 hour of suffering to bear you into this world. She cry to bear the pain until her tears dry away. She moan like a cattle in the slaughter house...until she have no voice She bleed after gave birth you for more than a liter Why did i tell you this ? Because i was there..the day you were born. She squeeze (literary) her breast to feed you. Bear the pain of her back to carry you until you sleep. Wake up every two hour to keep you well fed even it means she will get a migraine the next morning Sweat all over her body when she bathe you and wash the "why there is so much" bottle Why did i tell you this ? Because i was there....when you still cannot say a single words This words could go on forever... She change your diapers when she was eating..imagine that. you did that not only once my child...you cannot count it with your tiny little finger. She never speak anything bad about you. i only talk about the first year of your life.... If there is something that beats inside you..i bet you with all my ridiculous amount of happiness. That you can have what you have today, simply because she make that happen. Why i tell you this ? Because i was there...watching...and loving her as best as i could. so it could somehow pour out to you..through her. I love you..She love you more.

one of those mistake

It is funny how we could push somebody that really care about us for a moment of emotional burst.

Sometimes we have our anger in check but sometimes we don't.What we have to think is is it worth the relieve ?

I have been reading many books about relationship and there is one chapter that always relate to the self esteem.It really destroy your relationship....any relationship.

In fact there is a acronym that said LSEMBP (Low Self Esteem Means Big Problem).It really work both ways thou....if your partner have a low self esteem you must be very careful in what you say and what you do.What you think it is a normal term or in the jokes term...could end up hurting their feeling and vice versa,if you have a low self esteem everything you hear is always about you and everything you see is always there to judge you.

it is not a very healthy life to begin with and it is also a relationship destroyer.You must have a good view about yourself,what you are now and what you want to be.Try to always focus on your strength while you keep tamper your weakness.people always like to be treated equally and so are you.Always think yourself as equal as anybody else without removing a simple modesty.

Remember,what you want to say or do is based on what you think.

Think Positive and be proud about yourself.For God create you as one of a kind.

Titania Natasha

Dear Tania anakku,

Ketika kamu membaca tulisan ini mungkin kamu sedang sedih.
Mungkin kamu sedang marah dan kecewa.
Mungkin kamu merasa sendiri dan ditinggalkan.

Ijinkan aku bercerita tentang sebuah kebahagiaan....sekelumit gambar di dalam lukisan hidupku.

Tentang kuasa Tuhan yang memberikan aku seorang bayi perempuan mungil.

Tentang kengerian aku melihat penderitaan ibunya...

Tentang perjuangan panjang yang harus dihadapi ayahnya...

ahhh...terlalu panjang untuk menarik perhatian kamu....

Pada tanggal 14 Juni 2009 ada seorang bayi mungil dalam pelukanku...
ketika ku lihat wajahnya...ada kelebat orang yang aku sayangi di sana....dan hari itu aku berjanji untuk ikut menyayangi bayi itu juga.

Aku menyaksikan air mata pertamanya.
Aku menyaksikan kejap mata pertamanya.
Aku menyaksikan mulutnya terbuka.
Aku menyaksikan bibirnya yang merah.
Aku menyaksikan rambutnya yang hitam dan banyak.
Aku menyaksikan wajahnya yang bulat seperti rembulan.


Aku berdoa kepada Tuhan untuk bisa menjadi ayah terbaik untuk bayi itu..
Dengan segala ketololanku,senyumku,kekuatanku,tangisku,lelahku,harapanku,
suaraku,semangatku,keputusasaanku,ceritaku,hatiku,candaku,ototku,kakiku,
tanganku,kepalaku,otakku.

Apabila hari ini segala sesuatu itu tidak cukup untuknya..aku mau melakukannya semua sekali lagi.


Bahkan dengan nyawaku...


Bahwa hidup tidaklah pernah memberikan semua yang kamu inginkan...satu hal yang pasti aku
akan berusaha memberikan semua yang aku punya...untukmu.

Maafkan bila nanti kamu terjatuh...
Maafkan bila nanti kamu terluka...
Maafkan bila nanti kamu kecewa..
Maafkan malam-malam tanpa teman..
Maafkan pertandingan yang tidak ditonton...
Maafkan ulang tahun yang terlupakan...
Maafkan kata2 kasar dari mulutku...
Maafkan kado yang tidak sesuai dengan keinginanmu...
Maafkan gaun yang tidak bermerk terkenal..
Maafkan baju bercorak norak....
Maafkan perlilaku terhadap pacar kamu...

Maafkan semua itu karena Ayahmu sedang belajar sama seperti engkau.
Belajar berjalan seperti engkau.
Jatuh seperti engkau...
Berdarah seperti engkau..
Menangis seperti engkau..
Kecewa seperti engkau..
Limbung seperti engkau..
Perih seperti engkau..
Dapet nilai merah seperti engkau..
Bolos seperti engkau..
Nyontek seperti engkau..
Di hukum seperti engkau..

Semoga kamu sadar bahwa Ayahmu tidak lebih sempurna daripada kamu...
Semoga kamu tau di balik semua yang dialami oleh ayahmu...dia tidak ingin kamu tau....

Karena dia hanya ingin di anggap sebagai :


seorang yang paling bisa kamu andalkan..



itu saja.

Salah asuhan

Pendidikan nilai ketika masih anak2 merupakan hal yang sangat krusial di dalam kehidupan seseorang.

Nilai2 kejujuran,kerendahan hati dan compassion gue dapatkan ketika gue masih kecil.
Pada dasarnya sih gue bukan anak yang tough..terutama sebagai cowo.
Walaupun sering di gebukin sama nyokap gue..tapi gue selalu nangis karena kesakitan.
Gue tidak bisa tidak nangis kalau sampe di pukul....pake gesper (ikat pinggang) sampe kadang bengkak mengikuti bentuk ikat pinggang yang mampir ke kulit gue.Kadang kulit gue terkelupas dan berdarah saking kencangnya.

Hal itu tidak pernah membuat gue kuat atau bermental baja..malah membuat gue tertekan pada akhirnya.
Banyak orang yang di didik secara fisik bisa membuat mereka menjadi kuat dan tahan banting..not for me..gue malah jadi pengecut dan tertekan waktu masih kecil.

Gue malah melatih mental gue ketika gue ikutan wushu....karena latihan dan disiplin membantu mental gue...apalagi setelah mengerti banyak jurus2 yang diajarkan...gue sering di suruh sparing.

Dari situ gue mulai belajar menjadi orang pemberani..atau mungkin karena refleks yang di latih ketika itu.

Being tough memang penting bagi setiap orang ...terutama untuk menghadapi apapun yang ada di luar sana.

Pernah lihat bagaimana anak jalanan bergaul ? mereka jadi orang yang egois...mereka tough..tapi tidak mengerti sopan santun.....respect to others adalah hal yang mereka tidak pernah tau.

mereka merasa mereka berhak melakukan apa saja...karena mereka survive di situ.

Satu hal positif yang gue pelajari bahwa semua itu bisa berubah...asal ada moment atau bimbingan yang pas.

Mental toughness merupakan salah satu karakteristik yang ada di buku Steven Covey...itu pula yang merupakan salah satu kunci sukses...and yet tidak pernah perlu ada kekerasan untk menghasilkan mental toughness.

Yang gue pelajari dari kekerasan fisik adalah orang yang ignorant....like me back than.

Buktikan dong !

RAN - Tunjukkan Cintamu

Kuingin menunjukkan cintaku
Oh kepada belahan jiwaku
Tlah lama kumenanti waktu
Untuk mengungkapkan isi hatiku

Jangan kau berdiam dan menunggu
Cinta yang datang menghampirimu
Jika kau hanya berdiam diri
Hanya rasa sesal yang kau rasakan nanti

Tunjukkanlah rasa cintamu
Coba buat mereka tahu
Betapa indahnya dunia bila engkau sedang jatuh cinta

Berlarilah sekuat kau mampu
Hingga kau mendapatkan cintaku
Buktikan bila kau memang mau
Buat ku berikan cinta ini kepadamu

Disaat matahari bersinar
Burung - burung pun mulai berkicau
Cintaku kan selalu membentang
Untuk kau arungi bersamaku

Tunjukkanlah rasa cintamu
coba buat mereka tahu
Betapa indahnya dunia bila engkau sedang jatuh cinta



Tadi gue ceting sama temen gue...

Trus kita diskusi
mengenai bagaimana cara mengungkapkan perasaan cinta dengan tindakan.
Kalau kita memberikan statement "Aku sayang kamu"
trus....sang objek menuntut
agar kita membuktikan apa yang kita katakan.
Maka kita masuk ke dalam jebakan relativitas.
Yes, karena setiap orang mengekspresikan
sayangnya dengan cara yang berbeda.
Yang harus kita lakukan adalah
bertanya "kamu mau aku buktikannya seperti apa ?".

bagi gue,gue tau orang itu sayang sama gue kalau
dia bertanya tentang diri gue dengan pandangan mata
yang gue kenal sebagai ketulusan.

Tapi bagi orang lain tanda sayang itu artinya
elo memberikan kepada dia sesuatu barang tertentu (uang itu barang juga).
Without further judgement both of them are okay.

Temen gue yang gue ajak diskusi
bilang seperti ini (ga secara detail perkata):

"Kalau gue sih kaga mungkin
menagih pembuktian atas sayang orang itu sama gue".

"gue yakin waktu akan membuktikan
sayang dia ke gue itu nyata atau tidak".

Contoh yang bisa dia terima sebagai an act of love is:

"Waktu dia udah cape kerja,
dia masih mau masakin gue air hangat untuk mandi"

"ketika dia bisa menggeser ego dia untuk gue"

Thanks God orang yang di sayang
sama gue ga pernah minta kayak gitu (mungkin belum)

I do what i do...and if they
cannot see it as an act of my love to them

its their lost because not to be able to enjoy it.

karena motto gue adalah

"jangan pernah minta,nikmatin semua yang dikasih"

"Mendingan menerima sesuatu
karena kebebasan mereka memberi...ketimbang
menerima sesuatu karena mereka terpaksa memberi"

termasuk rasa sayang.

Banyak orang menjalin hubungan dengan demanding...
barter istilahnya...gue kasih elo ini elo kasih gue itu.
trus mereka menikah dengan memegang prinsip itu...
thats not love..thats business.
Makanya ketika salah satu pihak
sudah tidak lagi menguntungkan
(atau menjengkelkan tepatnya)

they say "bye bye love".

Jarang sekali kita menemukan cinta tak bersyarat

"senajis apapun elo ^_^..gue tetep sayang sama elo."

Bayangkan kalau ada orang yang

tetep sayang sama elo ketika elo super nyebelin....

ketika kesadaran elo kembali (entah kapan)
elo pasti akan menjadi orang yang lebih baik setelahnya.
Biasanya kalau di sinetron atau di film udah terlambat..
orang yang sayang sama elo itu udah mati.

Berani ga sih kita itu mencintai orang tanpa syarat.

mumpung masih masa paskah hehehe

Si manusia berkolor yang mati di kayu salib itu

sudah membuktikan bahwa manusia bisa...

Ibu Theresa bisa.....Gandhi bisa.....

kita seharusnya bisa...

Just and act of random kindness (ARC)

kayak inti dari film Evan Almighty.


-= The best way to find yourself is to

lose yourself in the service of others.=-

Mahatma Gandhi

Where is the love ?

This morning i read a newspaper and was shock about one of the news.

13 years old boy killed a 45 years old lady over a bicycle he does not own.The lady who was his neighbor is feel sorry for him because he cannot go to school any longer.So the lady often asked him to work at her lawn and do some errand in exchange of food and cash.

The boy interested in the old lady bicycle that he saw in her garage.The boy asked the lady a couple of times to give the bicycle to him,but the lady always ignore him.

The boy got disappointed and planning to kill the lady in result the death of the lady and he also injured the maid that also working at lady's house.

Can you imagine a 13 y.o boy ? When i was his age...i did not even have a sightliest idea on holding a grudge against anybody that much.I watch a lot of goggle V movies with a lot of "action" in it...but still it never cross my mind.

Not that i never feel disappointed at that age.Its just if i disappointed at somebody i simply does not want to show my face around that guy anymore....not kill him/her.

This case is more about value...what do you taught to your offspring about life.About love and compassion.With that kind of attitude that kid will never have an abundant life...never.

It is too bad that the newspaper does not collaborate more about his family background and stress on the event.

For me,this event remind me of my job as a parent.Make me think about it really careful and thank God i also seen a nice little kids out there and i want my child to be like them.

Maybe the lack of raw model is one of the problems with kids nowadays.

For all of you who read this post....please do as hard as you can to be a model for the child among you....you just never know what kind of influence you give to them...neither you realize it or not.


-= Your action speak so loud that they cannot hear what you say =-

pacarmu adalah adik angkatku

Gue dapet curhatan menarik nih dari sini

Curhatannya:
saia mau minta pendapat apa yg harus saia lakukan..
soalnya gua suka sama cewe yg udah punya cowonyaa....
tapi gua sayang bgt ma dia ....
untuk sementara ini dia maunya kakak- adek aja..
tapi perhatiannya dia itu berubah saat dia bilang mau kakak- adek an aja..
jadi care bangett...
gmn neeh bingungg....what im gonna do now..????
kira2 neh...bisa nggak gua ngedapetin dia....

Salah satu tanggapan dari anggota forumnya:
Nih gua bilangin, secara gw pernah ada di posisi cowok nya dan elu adalah yang kakak adiknya, kalau gw ketemu elu, dan gw tau hal itu, gw akan gantung lu di lantai paling atas gedung BNI 46 dan akan gw lempar kebawah setelah seharian gw gantung.

My Comment:

Wohoohhoohoho....kenapa sih perempuan suka mempermainkan cowo dengan kata2 kakak/adik angkat ? This is very2 ridiculous deh menurut gue.

Sebagai makluk yang punya perasaan di dengkul hihihihihihi cowo itu sangat sulit mengartikan keadaan seperti yang dialami oleh curhaters.

Cowo adalah makhluk to the point yang tidak nyaman dan rada2 pandir bila berada di daerah abu2.

I bet this is happening in a lot of life this days...i hate to break it but

"GET UP AND SMELL THE STARBUCKS"

Wahai cowo yang berada di luar sanah...jangan pernah mau jadi kakak angkat atau punya adik angkat...

pertama...cewe itu berat, mana kuat elo ngangkatnya.....lebih dari satu hari.....sedangkat status itu bisa berlangsung selama bertahun-tahun (bisa loh..bukan kudu).

Kedua....ini sama kayak legalize TTM, if you want to say that legal.Kalau dia di tanya sama cowonya dia bisa bilang dia cuman kakak gue kok...beuhh puhh leeezzz deh ah....elo kagak akan dapet apa2 kecuali perhatian platonik yang muncul tiba2 (apalagi kalau mereka berdua lagi berantem).

Ketiga...just a waste of time, money and care-ness (kagak ada di kamus)...you can spend it with somebody more worthwhile.

Ke empat.....Masih banyak cewe lain di luar sana sedang menunggu duit dan waktu elo hehehehehe.....ingat sensus penduduk terakhir cowo banding cewe masih 1 : 3 so...masih minimal 2 lagi cewe di luar sana menunggu elo.Ga worth it kalau elo ketemu sama cowo yang komentar di atas itu hihihiihihihi.

Ke lima....the last but not the least.....berhenti mempermainkan perasaan seseorang, kalau elo kagak suka diperlalukan seperti itu...jangan memperlakukan orang seperti itu.

-= What goes around, comes around =-

Healing Phenomenon

Membaca (mengikuti tepatnya) berita akhir-akhir ini mengenai seorang bocah yang mampu menyembuhkan segala macam penyakit orang lain dengan cara memberi minum air bekas celupan tangan bocah tersebut membuat gue takjub.

Bayangkan kemacetan yang terjadi akibat pasien mengantri hingga sepanjang 4 kilometer.Wedew !

Is it really proven ? well all i know that there is a lot of people think it is.

That makes me think about "Collective Consciousness" , how a fate of one nation determined by the thoughts of the people.

You see, if you read a lot of books about minds and what they are capable of, you began to think that all of this is make sense.Mind is amazing things and it could create reality out of thin air.
If you think you could get a healing from a water...then you will eventually.

That puts you in deeper question is it God gift to the boy or for the people who are sick ?

What i believe is as long as they do it for the act of love it is God given.

People are healed,what do you expect ? it is increasing the life expectancy, which is good ...right ?

Now there is another story with the same theme...a thunder rock from Jombang that could heal people sickness.....thats good too,why ? that mean now more people could be healed.

In the middle of a great crisis such as this...i think it is a positive news.

you know what funny is ? once the government try to fix the reaction of the people...everything just begin to fall apart now....they just shut down the practice of the Ponari aka "Miracle boy".

"For i will come to save the world with my blood" -= Isa Al Masih =-

My Dilema

Ternyata jadi pengusaha kagak gampang hehehehehehe klasik yah.

But it is, satu hal yang pasti sering gemes kalau ada hal yang tidak berjalan sebagaimana mustinya.

Seharusnya bisa begini.....bisa begitu.....kalau begini...kalau begitu. dan bla bla bla yang lain.

memang ga banyak orang mau jadi pengusaha, karena kadang ada rasa "kosong" di dalam hati.Apalagi yang udah biasa jadi karyawan....bisa2 bangun tidur elo merasa kosong..do not know what to do.

Well, di sinilah kekuatan doa itu muncul....kepercayaan bahwa if you do the right thing it will pay you someday.

Personally, gue bukan orang yang gampang menyerah...tapi gue juga bukan tipe orang yang suka kerja keras hihihihihihihi...pemalas nomor wahid.

Justru, karena gue malas kalau kagak punya duit akhirnya gue berusaha....
karena gue males di marahin bos akhirnya gue memutuskan punya usaha sendiri.....

well, usaha itu butuh kesabaran dan ketekunan...untung lah in my course of life i have been trained for it.

just want to blurt it out....karena di dada ini rasanya sudah menumpuk-puk

sekarang....legaaaa.....yuuu cari makan lagi.

Have you ever ?

Today i was shocked by one of my friend question.

"in your married life, have you ever wake up in the morning and wonder why do you marry your wife ?"

"is it ever occur to you that you are sorry for yourself that she is not the one you think she is?"

That was two big question with capital B in front of it.

That makes me thinking a bit (head hurts you know).

Marriage is a once in a lifetime action that have a lifetime consequences.Its about decision and a lot of analytical thinking in the process.
When all that is cute and bright subsides,the only thing that stay is your decision and your consciousness.
When we did mass in the church the priest comment about my wedding vow, he said the only thing that was true about this vow is when you say that you have a consciousness decision to love her (he like that part i guess).

I tell my friend that marriage is like when your parents sent you to school,there is no one could guarantee that their child will be graduate at the end of the year.They just do it day by day believing that if you do what the rules says, work your homework, study a lot, face the exam..you will graduate eventually.

And thats like marriage all about , follow the rules (in this case is your mental picture of a good and happy marriage), Do your homework everyday (wash the dishes,do laundry,throw the trash etc), study a lot (Read books,seek guidance,improve yourself), face the exam (face your trouble,grudge,learn to forgive...you are not marrying a God after all)......it will be till death do you part then.

The fear of commitment or marriage is often come from a dysfunctional family.

I have that...sorry to say.Fear is something that i have from my past but, fortunately it does not stop me from "jumping to the fire" aka have a marriage.

I just have to live with it every single day...if you ask me are you sure that you will have a happily ever after ?? are you sure you will stay married after 30 years from now ?

the answer is no..i am not sure..but i could tell you one thing..i am sure that today i still choose to have a married life and be happy about it.

its something you decide everyday that will count...and it could make you feel the blessing of it each day too.

So my friend..if you read this..i want you to know that there is no certainty in this life.....
but i think , in the other side of your fear you have a chance to became what you are not afraid of.
To be different then what you already experience...and it in your hands.As much as i do not want to have a relationship such as my parents.....i make a choice and i see to it that it will happen.

Marriage is an experience too beautiful not to be taken...but still i will honor your choice if you decide not to.

I always look marriage life as an opportunity for me to grow even more as a person..how you could love a person that sometimes irritate you.


"The definition of madness is : Doing the same things over and over again but you wish you get a diffrent outcome" -= Albert Einstein =-